Monday, October 25, 2010

How to get laid if you're a filthy woodlands hermit

The bunks in my cabin are 70 cm (27.5") wide. This is fine for one person but slightly too narrow for two, even if both are wild, wild things. The mattresses are made of foam rubber. Nothing fancy, one might say.

Some years ago, realizing I simply could not fend off guests who would arrive at the cabin to spend the night , the dogs and I freighted a two-person bed with a futon mattress up on the sled. It was flat-packed and reasonably easy to transport, but far too low on the ground when assembled. For years I have simply propped it up with assorted stumps and junk, resulting in a whole lot of creaking, tipping and broken bed boards.

Typically, I fixed it only now, now that I no longer live here permanently. It only took a couple of hours.

Below is the raw version of the new and improved bed, half perched on a bunk, and half propped up on custom built (by me) frame-like things. I've replaced half of the bed boards. The Swedish producers of semi-disposable furniture who made this originally never intended it to be used with much vigour, it seems.
I did not want to nail or screw the bed to anything, because there's the option of folding it into a sofa. Practical on occasions when I have daytime guests. The supports here are alle stacked under the sofa.
But how do I keep the supports in place under the bed? By doing some more sawing. Note smug expression of sawing person below.

My ryoba (below) came in handy here again. I cannot stop praising the superior saws of the Japanese.

Below are the spacer bars I made to slap onto the bed's supports to keep them in place.

Below is one of the spacers in place. Without these spacers the supports will wiggle in different directions. And as the bed can be folded, the supports need to be placed right under the various joints.

And below here is Sil, lying on what is now a rock-solid platform.


Steven Cain said...

No, no, no! This is how to build something sturdy enough for a Hermit to get laid on... which, by the way is very cool, and yes the Japanese are brilliant tool makers... not HOW a Hermit can get laid! This is the information I need!

Gwen Buchanan said...

omg, we have one of those and could never figure how to make it work right.. Good Idea...

Oldfool said...

Contrary to popular belief a man my age is still interested in getting laid however I think getting laid is highly overrated. As Lord Chesterfield so aptly put it.
"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.”
I couldn't make out in a Nevada brothel with a handful of hundred dollar bills.
I do appreciate the simple solution to an annoying problem. Simple solutions seem to have gone out of style

Northmark said...

Steven: Haha. If I knew what I know now I would have moved far into the woods sooner.

Gwen: One of those beds? Forgive me for sounding a little bit pompous, but I like to think of semi-disposable Swedish furniture as convenient kits to start making something. On their own they're hopeless. Fun inspiration at

oldfool: IO thought I'd be very witty and reply with something from Mark Twain but boy, the women he met sure seem to have exhausted him a lot: